HKPadfoot (hkpadfoot) wrote in just_to_write,

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Hello, new to the community.

Hello, I just joined this community in the hopes that I'll get some feedback other than my boyfriend and my close friends on the few stories I write. Generally I edit other people's work--specifically my boyfriend's. I tend to deal with fanfiction far more than I do with original work. All of the things I write are generally short, and I'm just now breaking out of the fanfiction mold. I'd love to get some feedback. Thanks!

Title: Untitled
Author: J.M.M. Berns  hkpadfoot
Rating: PG sounds good
A/N: Feed back is love

 She pulled out of the drive way and headed down the road, turning at the back entrance, not wanting to deal with stop sign after stop sign and random teenagers running about in the dark dressed in black. The street wasn’t long, but it was long enough, and it was pitch black, with dense trees on either side. And the roadway it led out too wasn’t well lit. Most roads on her side of the barrier weren’t. It didn’t take a genius to figure out which neighborhood had more money and thus more surveillance in the area.
“Heck,” she grumbled to self, turning up the radio to the local alternative station and locking her doors, slowing down at the stop sign. “I’d be surprised if a cop even entered this hell-hole for anything other than to make a quick arrest before fleeing.”
She glanced to her left to check for oncoming traffic before moving on to the road. The speed limit was 40, but she didn’t bother going any faster than 35, if that. It was late, it was dark, the intersection was only a few yards away, and there was no one behind her. And if any one did manage to make it behind her in the next five minutes—well they could go stuff themselves. As she put her foot on the brake for the upcoming stop sign, she glanced towards the trees on her left and shivered as a childhood memory of being on a hay ride and man with a chain saw jumping out of the trees crossed her mind.
Clutching the wheel she grumbled to her self and turned the radio up again, coming to a dead stop and staring at the school across the intersection. They were advertising the Book Fair. She loved book fairs when she was a child. Books were great. They had happy thoughts.
Glancing around she made another turn and continued on her way, staring a head to the small stretch of road that was more lighted than the one she was on at the time. She turned up the radio again and quietly mumbled to herself about books, which were very nice and didn’t involve men with chainsaws and trees at all.
She came to another intersection and stopped, watching another idiot fly right past the stop sign all together.
Books did have corpses though.
She continued on and the street lights completely stopped. And there wouldn’t be another until she got to the intersection with main road and then to her friend’s neighborhood which was far more lighted than the streets on her route.
A corpse flying out of no where…no, her headlights falling on a corpse in the middle of the road, blood everywhere, and lifeless eyes staring...
“Stop it!” she shouted at her self, turning up the radio again and glancing to either side. The road was narrow; she was the only one on it. On one side was an abandoned golf course, on the other a neighbor hood, and a few scattered houses that usually had goats or chickens on their front lawns during the day.
“How can anyone live on this street?” she mumbled quietly, gripping the steering wheel and staring at the bright stop light ahead, with two gas station on opposite corners, and a Walgreen’s. and a slowly filling shopping center.
God, how she loved civilization.
The light was red as she pulled up to it, and she gratefully stopped and took several deep breaths to gain control of herself. The road ahead of her had a few scattered lights, not that it mattered, she’d only be on it for a few moments before turning into that wonderfully well lit neighborhood her friend lived in. And she could stay there for awhile, feed the dogs, breathe, gain control of herself.
What would it matter? No one was home to complain, they were all out of town. That’s why she was on this God forsaken excursion in the first place.
The light turned green and she continued on. She pulled into the neighborhood and within moments into her friend’s driveway. She turned her radio off, pulled the keys out of the ignition and stared towards the back yard through which she would have to enter to get to the dogs.
It was pitch black.
Taking a deep breath she got out of her car and headed to the back humming loudly to herself. She quickly got inside the locked house and turned on as many lights as possible. She made sure the dogs were okay and, forgetting her previous scares due to the dogs’ cheerful disposition, left the house and headed out on the road again.
She turned on the radio and got to the intersection with no problems. When she got to the dark road again, however, she shivered as images of dead bodies and chainsaw men returning to her mind.
“Lord help me, what is wrong with me tonight?” she mumbled, clutching the steering wheel. She continued on, turning up the radio almost obsessively, switching channels constantly. Unwilling to let her fears get to her, she continued past the front entrance and drove to the back entrance where the dark dense trees were and there wasn’t a street light in sight.
She slowed down considerably, her eyes scanning the road and the trees. She turned the radio off and listened and relaxed. She was being silly. She smiled, shaking her head, and turned into the neighborhood. Glancing at the radio, she changed the station and turned it to a more reasonable volume for the last few minutes of her trip. She looked back up to the road where the first ray of light fell and screamed.
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  • 1 comment
very well written :-)