bewaremidair (bewaremidair) wrote in just_to_write,

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Written Three Years Ago

I wrote this three years ago. Today I found it forgotten in the mass of saved Microsoft Word documents on my computer. This is my first post. (;

What happens when the walls around you that were built for protection turn into iron gates keeping you in? I want to feel safe here. I want to find comfort in the home I grew up in and the people I’ve grown used to. That just isn’t possible anymore. I am bursting at the seams waiting to leave this penitentiary. I can see my past here in every little crack in the paint. There are so many things that I just want to forget, things that I need to leave behind. This is where my insecurity was born, here is where humiliation showered over me for the first real time, I cried here on the floor for hours with the phone pressed to my ear, and these people pretended to be nice and stifled their laughter at every step. I see it all, every gruesome little detail. Everything is engraved into my psyche and I can only think of one way to wipe it clean. I will escape - because here isn’t forever. My past will die when I let this place become dead to me. Everyone who hurt me will die with it.

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